


Welcome to Wonderland (Splice and Rapture)

by killingmonsterswritingthings



Category: One Direction (Band), Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Minor Character Death, OT5, POV Alternating, Pacific Rim AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-30
Updated: 2013-10-15
Packaged: 2017-12-25 03:49:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/948284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killingmonsterswritingthings/pseuds/killingmonsterswritingthings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall sees the Shatterdome in Praia for the first time on a scorching hot day in September shortly before his twenty-first birthday. Being the struggling J-Tech specialist straight from the Academy that he is, he doesn't expect to be given a huge responsibility so soon after joining the Pan Oceanic Defense Corps, but he gets assigned to a well-working team of four pilots. They're off to a rocky start but hey, it's only millions of human lives that depend on their actions, after all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I've been wanting to write a 1D fanfic for a while now and after Pacific Rim came around I thought "Hmm, who is codependent enough to pilot a Jaeger together? Oh yeah, I know, that boyband." and went on a writing rampage.
> 
> Thanks go to Sandra and Sammy for always thinking my writing is the best thing ever and encouraging me in my crazy escapades.

Niall sees the Shatterdome in Praia for the first time on a scorching hot day in September shortly before his twenty-first birthday. He’s not used to temperatures like this, especially not after almost three years in Alaska, but he doesn’t care because the breeze coming in from the ocean is cool enough and the building in front of him makes his heart beat faster. It’s taken longer than he thought – hoped – it would and it’s not his first choice but he’s finally here. Here to help and be useful.

There’s two new Rangers flanking him that were on the same helicopter and Niall is jealous because they’ve done what he couldn’t and made the cut. But he’s trying to accept his fate.

“Welcome to Cape Verde,” says a voice that Niall has heard often enough on television – and in a lecture at the Academy – to recognise it immediately. The familiar face of Mako Mori is half-smiling at them and Niall is just stunned for a moment. There are two people standing left and right of her and it kind of looks like she has her own escort.

“Marshal Mori,” the recruits next to him say in unison and Niall feels his face heat up for not greeting her in the same way. She doesn’t seem to notice though and rather extends her arm to push forward the young woman at her side. Niall knows her face, too, because if you have a famous family your face just doesn’t stay out of the news.

“This is Miss Mori-Becket,” she says matter of factly, introducing her daughter, “She will show you to your quarters and give you an introduction to the Shatterdome.” This time Niall is collected enough to greet the young woman with respect and when she walks off with the two guys he wants to follow, but Marshal Mori’s voice holds him back. “Not you, Mr. Horan.”

Niall stops and looks at the Marshal with surprise. “Sorry, I thought…”

“No need to apologise,” she says and then motions at the boy – man? – at her side who Niall definitely doesn’t recognise. There’s something familiar in the shape of his face but he can’t pinpoint it. “You will go with Mr. Choi.”

Niall blinks. Oh. So that’s Alison and Tendo Choi’s son. He wonders if every family involved in the PPDC twenty years ago now has sons and daughters carrying on the legacy.

“Hi,” the dark haired boy extends his hand toward Niall, immediately more personal than Sunako Mori-Becket. “I’m Jet Choi. I work the LOCCENT here and I’m tech chief, so you’re with me.”

“Niall Horan,” Niall says a bit stiffly but then manages a smile. “Nice to meet you.”

Jet grins and pats him on the back. “Aww, you’re nervous. That’s okay. Welcome to the Shatterdome, you’ll feel right at home in a week or so.”

“I hope so,” Niall mumbles and earns a chuckle from Jet and surprisingly also Marshal Mori.

“You will be fine,” she tells him before nodding at the both of them and turning to walk back towards the entrance of the enormous building.

“She likes you,” Jet says and Niall raises an eyebrow at him. “She just has to get back to like paperwork and stuff and we’re insanely busy right now because we got the new four-pilot Jaeger coming in.”

Niall gapes at him with his mouth wide open. “A four-pilot Jaeger?” he asks. He’s heard of three-pilot Conn-Pods, obviously, since everybody knows of the Wei triplets, but he can’t imagine what a Jaeger with four pilots would look like, let alone how it would work.

“Umm,” Jet makes and grins sheepishly. “I think I wasn’t supposed to tell you yet because it’s like classified information, but you’re gonna be part of the inside tech team soon anyway, so… Yeah, we’ve got a four-pilot Jaeger coming. Doesn’t have a name yet because the boys want to name her when they’ve actually seen her and stuff. She’s not gonna have four arms or anything but she’s gonna be twice the size of the Mark 7s we currently have.”

“Wow,” is the only thing Niall can say. “So she’s gonna be like what… six hundred feet?”

“Five hundred eighty,” Jet corrects. “I designed her. Not alone, obviously, but she’s basically my baby.”

“That’s amazing, mate,” Niall breathes and Jet laughs.

“Yeah, you’re gonna be very familiar with her since you’re gonna take over for me as the tech leader for her team.”

“I… uh… what?”

Jet slings an arm around his shoulder and grins. “Don’t worry, you’ll get a proper briefing and all the data and stuff later. I’m gonna show you around now, we can get something to eat, you can get to know some of the Rangers and fall in love with the ‘dome and it’s all gonna be alright.”

Niall feels like he’s in a dream and that’s exactly the way he walks into the Shatterdome alongside Jet, with knees like butter and his head feeling like it’s filled with cotton candy. “It’s just that I didn’t expect to be given such a huge responsibility so soon,” he mumbles after a while, when they’ve already turned some corners and the heat from outside has worn off.

“Think you can’t do it?” Jet asks but Niall shakes his head.

“No, I… I think I can but I didn’t think you guys thought I could since I failed out of pilot training and all,” he says.

“That’s a lot of thinking,” Jet says. “And well, you didn’t make the cut for a pilot but I’ve read over your file and you’re really skilled in the tech department so cheer up, dude. We don’t all get to pilot huge machines but we’re definitely all heroes.” He stops for a moment and pokes at Niall’s chest where his dog tags are resting over his heart. “See, these show that you’re brave and smart enough to join the PODC and that already counts for something. You’re gonna be just as important as any Ranger on this planet because you’re gonna be responsible for the Jaeger of four of them.” He smiles and continues walking, his eyes still trained on Niall. “So don’t put yourself down.”

“You don’t even know me yet,” Niall mumbles. “But thanks.”

“I will, though,” Jet says. “Now let’s go put your stuff away and meet some people.”

Niall follows Jet through a maze of corridors that he’s sure he’s going to get lost in at least twenty times if he has to navigate them on his own soon. He knows when they get to the living quarters because there’s a busy bustle of people and rows of identical looking doors. Jet finally stops in front of one that has the number 677 in off-white paint written at the top. “This is yours,” Jet says and hands Niall a keycard. “There, that already has your authorisation code programmed. Go on.” Niall takes a deep breath and swipes the card through the slot next to the door. There’s a beep and a metallic rumbling sound. Jet pushes against the door and it opens slowly to show a small room.

They step through the door, Niall first, then Jet, and Niall thinks that it’s not much but definitely better than his dorm room at the Academy since he had to share there and he didn’t get on too well with his roommate. There’s a bed to the left, a desk and a chair and an empty shelf in front of him and a little kitchenette and another door to the right.

Jet points at the door. “That’s your ‘bathroom’,” he says, air quotes and all. “It’s basically just a toilet and a shower but heaps better than the communal showers they have in Montevideo.” He shivers a bit and shakes his head. “Do you wanna unpack or continue the tour?”

“I’d rather just leave my bag here and get something to eat,” Niall says. “I haven’t had anything to eat since New York.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot they sent you here straight from the Academy,” Jet says with a nod. “Come on then, mess hall’s this way.”

Niall dumps his bag on the bed and follows Jet outside again, closing the door securely behind him. “It was mostly by choice. I wanted to start working as soon as I could,” he says.

“It’s still harsh that you haven’t been home. Like, I’m traveling so much I get confused where I actually belong but I grew up in California and when I started college I used to get really homesick. I don’t anymore, but I’d imagine you’d like to see your family…”

Niall shrugs. “My brother’s a Ranger and part of the Shatterdome construction at home so he doesn’t really have time anyway and I can just call my parents. It’s no big deal.” He doesn’t say that he’d probably feel even more of a failure if he went home now. Greg made the cut and Greg is now getting a promotion and Greg is already one of the most celebrated heroes of Ireland. Niall loves his brother but he just feels… inferior. Like there’s no place for him at home anymore. He suppresses a sigh and changes the subject. “You went to college?” he asks because usually people in their twenties in the PODC just joined the Academy to get there.

“Yeah, before the second invasion started… sorry, third, because we gotta count the dinosaurs – I went to MIT for like two years. But then the kaiju came back and ruined my education.” He laughs and turns a corner. “No, actually I dropped out then and joined the Academy up in Alaska because I grew up with stories my Dad told about San Francisco and Anchorage and Hong Kong and it just made sense.”

“Doesn’t MIT teach Jaeger tech too nowadays?” Niall asks and Jet nods.

“Yeah, they do _now_. But you’re required to do the courses at the Academy anyway and six years ago they only taught the outdated stuff from '25 and the few developments there were since then in like two courses and there was virtually no research. So basically the comeback of the kaiju made my career.”

Niall wants to reply something about how that might be a bit inappropriate but before he can they step through a doorway into the mess hall. They arrived right between breakfast and lunch so there’s only a few people sitting at the tables but that only makes the room look even bigger.

“Okay, I didn’t take into account that like most of the population of this thing is either sleeping or working right now,” Jet says with a sigh. “Oh well, let’s get you something to eat and then we’re gonna find you friends.”

At this point Niall is so tired and hungry that he just nods and follows Jet to get trays and fill them with food. Then they sit down at an empty table because according to Jet there’s only work crew around.

“So,” Jet says halfway through his sandwich. “I don’t know how much you know about our little island ‘dome so I’m gonna give you a quick rundown. We’ve currently got seven Jaegers but two are in for repairs and one can’t be deployed because one of the pilots is injured and has to rest for another three weeks or so. So we’re working with four right now but Juno Zeta should be functional again in a few days so we’re good.”

“What about the four-pilot Jaeger?” Niall asks because he can’t help being curious. If this is gonna be his assignment, his _life_ for the next few months, he wants to know as much as he can.

“Calm your horses,” Jet grins. “You’re gonna get all the information you need with your tablet later. But yeah, the rest of her parts should be coming tomorrow night so you can get right to work.”

“Cool,” Niall nods. “So, she’s gonna be a Mark 7 or does she get her own category?”

“Mark 8,” Jet says. “And she gets the honour of being the first and probably last of her kind.” He laughs and Niall can’t help but chuckle a bit, too, because really, the idea of a Jaeger with four pilots is ridiculous and he has no idea what group of people would be able to pilot such a monstrosity.

Suddenly there’s a hand on Niall’s shoulder and an unfamiliar voice says. “Did I just hear the word honour? Were you talking about me?”

Jet looks up from the Pudding he just started eating and beams at the person standing behind Niall. “Lewis!” Niall cranes his neck to get a look at the stranger but there’s movement and a moment later there’s another guy sitting next to him.

“Don’t call me that, it’s not my name, _Jethro_ ,” he says with a little wrinkle of his nose.

“Hey,” Jet complains. “That’s not my name either!”

“See, now you know how it feels.”

Jet pouts at him but sighs. “Fine. And no, we weren’t talking about you, just about our new girl.”

“If you talk about her you’re talking about me by default,” the guy says and Niall just looks from him to Jet and back in confusion.

“Whatever,” Jet says with a handwave. “Niall, this is _Louis_ Tomlinson, one of the crazy idiots who’re gonna drive my Jaeger. Louis, this is-“

“She’s not yours,” Louis interrupts him. “She’s ours. We’re gonna pilot her and we had just as much say in the design as you.”

“Shut up,” Jet says. “I was introducing you. This is Niall Horan and he’s gonna be taking over for me as your tech team leader so I don’t have to deal with your rude asses anymore.”

“What?” Louis furrows his brows and looks at Niall with something like distaste. “We don’t need a new tech lead, Liam can just give the instruction if we need repairs. And you like my arse.”

“No, I don’t, because you’re fucking rude,” Jet explains, pointing his spoon at Louis and shaking his head. “I can’t cater to your needs anymore because I’ve got a job to do and Liam is a Ranger, not a tech guy. You need someone outside of the pod who knows the inner and outer works of her if you want to survive out in the field.”

Louis makes an “ugh” sound. “Fine,” he says. “But he doesn’t get a say in what to name her.” And with that he gets back up and starts walking away.

Niall looks at Jet and he’s still speechless.

“Sorry,” Jet says, pulling a face. “He’s cranky because we had delays in the construction of the new Jaeger and then I was promoted last week so they think they’re losing me.” He shrugs. “They just don’t know how much they have to gain with you. I’m sure the other three will like you and Louis will get used to the idea. We’ve been working together a lot since we started out at the Academy so he takes me for granted.”

“It’s okay,” Niall says, even though it’s not. It will be, though. He’s used to not being people’s first choice, so he’s going to be able to deal. Hopefully. “I’m just gonna go unpack and take a shower.”

“Alright,” Jet says. “Your briefing is at 16:00. I’m gonna come pick you up since I haven’t actually shown you anything yet.”

Niall accepts the info with a simple nod and takes off. He really needs some time for himself right now. Maybe take a nap.

 

 

When Jet shows up at his room a few hours later Niall actually feels a bit better. He’s not hungry anymore, has slept a bit and his hair also looks better than when he got here. Now he only has to survive the briefing without Louis killing him.

“Ready?” Jet asks after Niall has opened the door and Niall just shrugs.

“Mostly,” he says and Jet laughs.

“Come on, they’re nice, I promise. I’ve already told Liam that Louis was an asshole to you earlier and he was _so_ angry.”

“You didn’t have to do that,” Niall mumbles but Jet cuts him off with a wave.

“Yes, I did. Louis was out of line and he knows it. Now, let’s go. We’ll meet the boys for half an hour and then I’m gonna show you around a little more.”

So Niall just follows, because really, what other choice does he have?

Instead of leading him to the LOCCENT or a meeting room, Jet takes Niall out to the part of the Shatterdome that gives it its name. The huge construction and work area where all seven Jaegers are towering proudly over the humans walking beneath them is bustling with energy and Niall has the weird urge to hide behind Jet but tells himself that he’s been working three years for this moment. No way he’s gonna back out now.

They stop at the feet of a Jaeger Niall vaguely recognises as Sparrow Wing. Two guys are sitting in front of her left feet on chairs and Niall is starting to feel sick.

“Liam, Zayn,” Jet greets them with a raised hand. Then there’s a _thunk_ and another boy lands directly on the gigantic foot. “Harry,” Jet says with something like resignation in his voice. “Were you climbing on her leg again?”

“Sorry,” the boy grins, looking at Jet with sparkling eyes. “I just miss seeing the world from high above.”

“At least he didn’t climb up all the way to the shoulder like last time,” one of the other guys comments dully. Niall doesn’t know if it’s Zayn or Liam.

“No, at least he didn’t _injure himself_ ,” Jet corrects. “You gotta stop doing this, Harry.”

Harry sighs and climbs down from the foot in record time. “You’re gonna take her away from us and assign her to a new team, I just don’t want to let her go…”

“Well, then you shouldn’t have asked for a goddamn four-pilot Jaeger custom made for you,” Jet says, rolling his eyes. “And you’re gonna keep her for a little while longer since putting together your new ride is gonna take a while.”

“Alrighty,” Harry grins, straightening the hairband that he’s using to tame his curls. “Now, who’s this?”

“Uhh… I’m Niall,” Niall says, giving a short wave.

“Hello Niall,” the three say at the same time and then break down into giggles and Niall has to smile himself. Maybe they really aren’t so bad.

“I’m Harry,” Harry says, “and that’s Zayn,” a smile and a raised hand, “and Liam.”

“Welcome to the family,” the guy, that Niall now knows is Liam, says and Niall… Niall just gets this strange feeling in his chest because this guy doesn’t know him and already calls him family. It’s a feeling he’s usually only connected to being home and he hasn’t actually been home for so long that it hurts right now. But when he sees the three – no, four, since Jet is grinning hugely, too – smiling faces he feels like he may be doing something right.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, chapter 2 :D

After the meeting the boys go their own way and while Niall takes off to get shown around some more and finally get all the data he needs for his work, Harry walks over to the other side of the ‘dome where Louis is playing football with the Ghanaian rangers and their tech team. He leans against a crate of what he thinks have to be spare parts for Hope Warrior, their Jaeger, and watches them for a while.

It’s stupid, because he’s supposed to be still annoyed with Louis – since he was rude to Niall according to Jet and kept being rude by not showing up to the official introduction – but when he watches him now he wonders if maybe Louis just forgot the time. Because that happens sometimes.

Louis spots him after apparently scoring a goal – Harry isn’t entirely sure because Shatterdome football is even more confusing than regular football – and they start smiling at each other at the same time. Still, Louis doesn’t come over until after the game is over. He’s nothing if not dedicated.

He comes bouncing up to Harry, still full of energy, and hugs him. “We lost,” he reports, “but we almost always do when they’re in the same team because that’s _unfair._ ”

Harry pets his hair. “I’m surprised there are occasions where you can convince them to not play in the same team.”

“It’s rare but it happens, whenever I’m annoying enough,” Louis grins.

“Speaking of annoying,” Harry says and he knows, he knows he shouldn’t do this because it’s just going to ruin the moment, but somebody has to call Louis out on his bullshit, “we just met Niall and he’s actually quite nice. And we were wondering where you were.”

There’s an immediate change to Louis’ face and Harry doesn’t like that he starts to frown. “Well he can be nice anywhere away from me.”

“What is _wrong_ with you?” he asks and now he understands why Jet was so annoyed and why Liam got so angry. “You don’t even know him yet!”

“And I don’t want to, either, because we don’t need him, Haz.”

Harry takes a step back and crosses his arms. “Seriously? I can’t tell if you’re just being a shit because you’re bored or if you’re jealous. I don’t even know which one would be worse.”

“I’m neither,” Louis snaps. “I just think that we’d be better off if Jet keeps doing tech for us. This Niall is some newbie right off the Academy, he probably only became a J-Tech specialist because he didn’t make the cut for the actual ranger training.”

“What the fuck, Lou?” Harry shouts, stomping his foot. He knows that’s childish, but Louis is being worse than him right now and Harry doesn’t understand it and it frustrates him to no end. Because usually he can at least _understand_ what is going on in Louis’ head, even if he doesn’t agree.

Suddenly there’s the familiar weight of an arm on Harry’s shoulder and he sort of deflates and leans back against the body behind him. “Calm down, lads,” Zayn says and Harry feels Liam on his other side, resting a hand on Harry’s back for a moment.

Louis eyes them resentfully and then stalks off. All three of them sigh and Zayn and Harry look at Liam. “I’ll go talk to him,” he says and gives Harry an encouraging smile.

Harry watches Liam jog after Louis and his chest feels hollow because this hasn’t happened to him with Louis in a long time, not since they met Zayn and Liam. So he instinctively turns and hides his face at Zayn’s neck like he’s a baby because that’s where it’s safe and the people around them can’t see his tears.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Zayn says, rubbing soothing circles into his back. “I think that last tour was hard on him. He’s just blowing off steam.”

It had been hard on all of them, actually. There had been a kaiju attack on Europe three days ago and by the time they had made it up to Brest with all seven Jaegers the monster had actually made it into the English Channel. They had managed to defend the coastlines but had been pushed dangerously close and Louis had had a moment of sheer panic that had almost pushed them out of alignment.

“But he’s _wrong_ ,” Harry sniffs.

“I know, H. Liam is gonna talk some sense into him and then we can all go a round in the Kwoon against each other.”

“With,” Harry corrects, his words muffled against Zayn’s skin. “With each other.”

Zayn laughs. “Of course. Now, are you ready to come out of your comfy hiding place and get something to eat?”

“Not really,” Harry says but pulls back anyway, wiping at his eyes. Zayn sighs and ruffles his hair.

“Smile, Curly. It’s gonna be alright. You know he can’t stay mad at you and once he really gets to know Niall he’ll like him just fine.”

“I don’t know why he’s so against Niall right from the start. It doesn’t make sense,” Harry mumbles but let’s Zayn guide them towards the mess hall. “And I don’t want him to look at me that way. Like _I’ve_ done something wrong.”

“You haven’t. He knows that,” Zayn says and Harry believes him, because Zayn doesn’t lie to Harry anymore. Doesn’t need to, since Harry can look right through him. He expected it to be weird to drift regularly with different people, but it just makes him feel more whole.

They walk to the mess hall together and when Zayn points out that maybe, if they’re lucky and Marshal Mori has a generous day, they’ll be able to go out for a swim tomorrow Harry actually has to smile because he knows Zayn is really just saying that to cheer him up. Even after eventually learning how to swim at the Academy, Zayn is still not too fond of large bodies of water.

“You think they’ll actually let us out of their reach? There could be an attack anytime.”

“It’s statistically more likely that it’ll be in the Pacific,” Zayn says with a shrug. “Or could be America’s Atlantic coast. I think we should be safe for a while.”

And Harry shrugs because hey, right now the attacks are still over a week apart most of the time, even though the scientists don’t really understand why. But they do deserve a break. Harry just… wants to relax for a while and not worry about Europe slash humanity slash the Earth getting destroyed. On the other hand he also knows that he signed up for this voluntarily and basically gave up his right to think like this.

But he’s alright, as long as he’s with his boys. So that’s why he can smile when he walks into the mess hall with Zayn, because they’re gonna get food and kick each other’s asses at the Kwoon later and everything will be fine. Eventually.

 

 

They get a text from Liam an hour later that they’re gonna meet up for a little evening training – just like Zayn said. So they walk to the Combat Room and the first thing that happens when Harry enters is Louis rushing to hug him and mumbling an apology. And Harry leans their heads together and says “It’s alright.” Because even though he might want an explanation, he wants Louis being nice even more.

“Less hugging, more training,” Liam’s voice commands but Harry can tell that he’s smiling.

“Shut up,” they all say at the same time but Louis lets go of Harry and they go to get their hanbō.

Zayn grins, twirling his. “This is gonna be fun,“ he predicts.

“Two against two or three against one?” Louis asks and Harry pokes his stomach lightly, making Louis swat at his fingers with his hanbō.

“It’s nobody against no one,” Harry says sternly and Liam claps his back and laughs.

“Well,” Zayn says and taps his foot, “either way, get into your positions. Fighting stances. Whatever.”

So they move to get themselves untangled from each other because as usual they’re standing too close to each other. Of course Harry gravitates towards Louis so they end up standing a few feet apart, facing Zayn and Liam. Harry looks over for a second to see Louis smirk and then looks at the other two again.

There’s three beats of silence and they’re all just looking at each other and then Harry feels a little tug in his gut and makes a step. They all start moving at the same time. Harry swings his hanbō at Liam, who ducks, and Zayn and Louis’ sticks stop with just inches between each other.

Harry lets out a delighted laugh and turns to divert his attack to Louis but Louis sidesteps like it’s nothing and then, with a swift movement, kicks Harry’s legs out from under him. A moment later Harry cranes his neck to see that Liam has done the same to Zayn.

“Concentrate,” Liam and Louis say at the same time and help them up again.

“Then don’t knock us off our feet,” Zayn grumbles and Harry dissolves into giggles. They get back on their marks and Harry shakes his long limbs for a moment and then goes in for an attack against Zayn because Zayn _may_ not be expecting that. He does, actually, but reacts a second to late and Harry holds the hanbō against his neck with a wide grin.

From there they all break into a flurry of movement and Harry isn’t exactly sure what this would look like for an outsider, but to him it feels _just right._ He ends up getting another point on Zayn and one on Liam but Louis keeps escaping his hanbō. And then they stop really attacking each other and it’s just smooth steps and blocking sticks and it looks more like dancing than fighting.

It ends when Louis sweeps in and tackles Harry, letting his hanbō clatter to the ground, and they land on the padded floor in a tangle of limbs. Harry gets his breath knocked out of him but he doesn’t really care as he breathlessly stares up at a grinning Louis. “I win,” Louis says and Harry can hear Zayn laugh in the background.

When Louis finally decides that it’s time to let Harry up and Harry climbs to his feet again he spots Niall hovering near the doorway.

“Hi!” Harry waves with a smile but his face falls when he sees Louis tighten his jaw.

Niall raises his hand in return and pointedly doesn’t look at Louis. “That looked incredible,” he says. “It’s definitely obvious that you four are all drift compatible.”

“Thanks,” Liam says, putting away the hanbō and kicking at Louis’ ankles so he picks his own up. “Did the rest of your day go well?”

Niall nods. “Yeah, I’m pretty familiar with the LOCCENT and tech stations and both your Jaegers now and I have all the info about the new one on this,” he holds up his tablet pc and there’s a shy smile on his face that Harry thinks is just adorable.

“Great,” Louis mumbles and they chasten him with a three-voiced “Louis!” because he seriously needs to get a grip. Louis shoots Liam a glare but stays silent otherwise. Harry hopes that he isn’t going to sulk the entire evening because that would mean no good night cuddles.

“Well, that’s cool,” Zayn picks up the thread and smiles at Niall. “Jet gave you the whole tour, didn’t he?”

Niall nods and Harry looks at Zayn and laughs. Then he starts towards the door because he seriously needs a shower. “I’d say I’m looking forward to working with you but I don’t really want a kaiju attack in the next few days.

“That’s alright,” Niall smiles. “But I’ll do my best to be of assistance when one does.”

“You better would,” Harry can hear Louis mumble as he walks out of the room and he rolls his eyes.

“Sorry,” he says. “I gotta go catch a shower. We’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” He claps Niall on the shoulder and then steps through the door. He’s vaguely aware of Liam and Zayn staying behind to talk to Niall some more but he’s busy hurrying after Louis. This time he’s carefully going to tread around the issue and hopefully avoid an outburst like earlier.

He catches up with Louis quickly because while Louis is walking pretty fast, Harry’s legs are a bit longer. “I don’t want to talk about it,” Louis says sharply and Harry sighs.

“Okay,” he says because he doesn’t want to fight and he doesn’t want to pressure Louis. If he wants to tell him, he will. If he doesn’t… well, then Harry will keep living in frustrated confusion for a while.

They walk to their quarters in silence, but Louis slows his steps so Harry sees it as a win. He stops in front of his door for a moment and watches as Louis’ opens his own. “I… uh, I’m gonna shower and… is it okay if I come over afterwards?”

Louis turns around and Harry is so relieved to see him smile that he almost drops his keycard. “Of course, Haz.” He steps into the room and closes his door behind him but Harry notices that he doesn’t lock it. He smiles and enters his own room. There are issues here but he is willing to ignore them because they have other things to deal with and he just wants everything to be okay.

He takes a hot shower, dresses in sweatpants and a clean but a bit threadbare shirt and then takes the three steps over the corridor to Louis’ room barefoot, his hair still wet and dripping down his neck a little. Shoving the heavy door open has become easy with habit and so has letting himself into Louis’ room in the evening in general. It’s just a thing that they do, hang out a bit before they go to sleep, maybe watch a movie on Louis’ old tablet and sometimes, after drifts, they talk about how they don’t know which memory belongs to who.

Louis is sitting crosslegged on his bed when Harry comes in, looking at his tablet and talking rapidly. “I didn’t say that. I don’t have a problem w-,“ he cuts himself of when he sees Harry and Harry can tell that he’s trying to hide that he’s scowling but he chooses to ignore it.

“Hi,” he says and walks over to Louis’ bed.

“Is that Harry?” asks Louis’ mum’s voice from the tablet and Harry laughs.

“Yeah,” Louis says and Harry plops down next to him, shaking his head lightly so tiny droplets of water fall onto the sheets and Louis shoulder. “Hi Jay,” he says and waves at the face smiling up at him from the tablet. The holo option broke a long time ago but Louis refuses to get a new tablet, mostly because it’s too expensive.

Louis shoves at Harry’s shoulder playfully. “Ugh, you’re like a dog.”

“I’m a wet puppy,” Harry confirms and all three of them laugh, so Harry doesn’t have to care about what Louis and his mum were talking about just a minute before.

They chat with Jay for a while until she decides that it’s time for them to go to sleep because “who knows at what ridiculous time they’re going to wake you up.” Harry knows it’s meant as a joke but it still makes him feel uneasy. He used to get excited over missions at the beginning, but he’s grown a lot since then and while there’s still some pride now, there’s also a lot of fear.

Louis deposits the tablet on his desk and them comes back to the bed, poking at Harry with his foot so he moves and he can crawl under the covers. “Can I sleep here tonight?” Harry asks before he can stop himself and he knows he sounds like a little kid but he really can’t help it.

Instead of replying Louis just holds up the blanket at the corner, stifling a yawn, and Harry scoots to lie next to him gladly. He’s been living in Louis’ head for so long that he doesn’t even know what it’s like without him anymore and if it didn’t come with the unfortunate side-effect of having to fight he would want to drift every day. Because Louis just feels like home to him.

“Zayn said we could go to the beach tomorrow,” he mumbles against Louis’ shoulder and curls into him a little more, splaying an arm over Louis’ chest.

Louis hums his approval and Harry can feel the vibration resonate in his own body. “Really? That’d be great. Liam and I haven’t been surfing in so long.”

“I’m mostly surprised that Zayn suggested it at all,” Harry chuckles, ignoring the fact that it was to cheer _him_ up because Louis had been an asshole.

“Maybe he wants to face his fears,” Louis muses.

“We do that every day,” Harry points out and they fall quiet for a moment. They actually avoid talking about the kaiju as often as they can because there are enough scientific theories and battle orders around them as it is, but sometimes Harry just can’t ignore it - the enormity of the threat they are facing, again, a mere twenty-three years after the original rift was closed.

He feels Louis turn his head and press his lips to his forehead. “Go to sleep, Haz. There are no monsters in your dreams tonight.” And Harry obliges, because he doesn’t really have another choice. He closes his eyes, focusing on Louis’ breathing, the rise and fall of his chest, the fabric at the side of his shirt.

He’s not sure if he’s already dreaming or not, but right before he drifts off entirely he hears Louis murmur “I’m sorry”.

Of course Louis was right and there are no monsters in Harry’s dreams, because Harry doesn’t have nightmares when he’s with Louis. But he still jolts awake in the middle of the night to blaring alarms and Louis sitting up next to him.

 


	3. Chapter 3

With the alarms drowning out every other sound Louis just sits there for a moment, staring at Harry and his sleep tousled hair and the only thing he can think of his how they don’t deserve this. Then he kicks off the blanket and shoves at Harry’s side. “Come on, let’s go,“ he says, leaning in close because the alarms are really loud – jesus, half the volume would be enough to wake a sleeping dragon. Or kaiju. Which is more likely. On the other hand Louis doesn’t think that kaiju are even able to sleep.

Harry seems to regain his composure and scrambles out of bed, Louis following after him. “Go get dressed!“ Louis yells over the alarms, hopping over to the switch next to the door because he already has one foot in his trousers. He manages to flip it and successfully silence the noise at the same time as Harry opens the door, shoots him a last panicked look and then vanishes over the corridor to his own room. The alarms are still blaring outside so it didn’t really do any good, but at least Louis can close the door and pretend it doesn’t have anything to do with him for a second.

Louis misses Liam and Zayn in that moment because those two would make the situation easier just by being there. They’re better when they’re all together, he knows that. Liam would motivate them and Zayn would make a joke and Harry would laugh and everything would be fine. Usually Louis can do that, too, but his mind was so preoccupied over the last day only to be soothed by Harry’s presence in his sleep and now he’s startled and confused again and he needs to be able to _think_.

So he goes to finish dressing and drinks water straight from the tap in the bathroom, only to look up and see his reflection staring back at him with fear in his eyes. “Stop being an idiot,” he says, tapping the glass right between his reflection’s eyes. Then he straightens his back and tries to do something about his hair, but it won’t matter later anyway, so he gives up and steps back into his room to squeeze into his boots instead.

He’s just closing his door behind him when Harry comes out of his room again, now also in standard issue clothing and his boots and they look at each other for a moment. Then Harry grins and Louis feels a little better. “Let’s go kill some kaijus,” Harry says and Louis falls in step next to him.

“I hope that incorrect plural is you exaggerating,” he says, even though he’s happy that Harry was able to calm himself down a bit. Or get himself hyped up enough to turn it into positive energy, he’s not entirely sure.

“I have no idea,” Harry says. “No double events yet, right?”

“And hopefully not in the near future, either,” Louis mumbles.

Louis checks his phone on their way to the LOCCENT because usually they get deployment orders directly sent there to save time. “They’re deploying Zayn and Liam with us,” he reports to Harry with relief. They work awesome as a team, even in separate Jaegers, “oh and Abena and Tay.”

Harry nods. “Good. Where is it heading?” he asks.

“Uhh,” Louis scrolls through the short message feed. “They’ve got no visual yet but according to the signature tracking it’s on its way to the South African coast. Category 6, apparently.”

There are hurried steps behind them and Liam’s voice says. “They seriously need to build more ‘domes at the Atlantic Coasts, we can’t defend the entirety of Europe and Africa on our own.”

“But we can try,” Harry and Louis say at the same time.

“They’re building Shatterdomes in Galway and down in Cape Town, too,” Zayn says, appearing at Louis’ other side. “It’s just taking way too long in Cape Town.”

Actually, Cape Town did have two Jaegers, but they were old Mark-5 issues stationed in an abandoned factory building. Louis is still – and probably always will be – angry about the fact that while humanity had been prepared when the rift in the Pacific reopened, it had not been prepared enough. And it certainly had not been prepared for the second breach opening in the Atlantic Ocean. It had taken days until they had noticed that it was even there and a week later the first kaiju had come through.

“Still, it’s gonna take ages until we’re down there,” Liam says.

“Yeah, better get going and suit up,” Harry agrees and Louis lets himself get dragged with them to the lifts.

When they reach the Drivesuit room Louis actually feels something like excitement rising in his chest. Sure, driving a Jaeger is seriously one of the most dangerous jobs ever but it’s also extremely rewarding. He gets to pilot it together with his best friend slash the guy he’s seriously attracted to – it’s a fine and very blurry line and they've never actually talked about it – and they save humanity at least once a month. Okay, mostly they save cities at the Atlantic coast of Europe and Africa, but that’s still a lot of lives.

With every piece of the suit being put on him Louis feels better. He’s done this almost a dozen times by now, he knows the drill, he knows what it will feel like and he can’t _wait_. He knows Harry feels the same, only intensified; he can feel him almost vibrating next to him while the techs work.

There’s a final _click_ and they’re ready.

“Let’s go,” Liam says and they all step towards the doors leading to the Conn-Pods.

It’s like coming home, stepping into the head of their Jaeger and they shoot each other a glance, giddy with the feeling of being minutes away from being in each other’s heads again. They get connected to the foothold and the oxygen lines while the connection to the communications centre boots up.

“Sparrow Wing ready to go,” Harry reports with a grin and a tap to the control interface.

“Alright, let’s get your head in the game,” Jet’s voice says and they both laugh.

“That’s a horrible joke,” Harry says as the machinery beneath them awakes with a rumble and the Pod starts moving.

“It’s a pun,” Louis corrects and Harry rolls his eyes at him.

“Hey, wait, Jet, is Niall there with you?” Harry asks and that’s when Louis feels his heart drop. He literally forgot that Niall even existed. Suddenly the dread returns and he wants to be anywhere but the head of a giant machine, about to get connected to Harry’s mind.

“Yeah, I’m here,” he hears the voice with the thick accent he’s learned to despise over the past 24 hours through the intercom.

“I’m gonna keep an eye on your charts, too, since Niall hasn’t even been here for a full day,” Jet says, “but he has the main responsibility for your individual Jaegers. Sorry, boys, I’m Mission Controler now, I don’t have time for your problems anymore.” He says it in a joking tone that speaks of the years they’ve spent together working on those Jaegers and Louis wants to get out of here and strangle him because he’s _abandoning_ them.

“I still don’t know how you got this promotion,” Harry says. “You’re not even 25 yet.”

“That is because he is one of the most skilled men in the field,” Marshal Mori’s voice cuts in. “Get ready to drop, Rangers.”

“Yes, ma’am,” they reply in unison – even Jet – and a second later the Conn-Pod is released and slides down the rails but to Louis it feels more like falling. Usually he likes the feeling of weightlessness that comes with it, but this time it just makes him feel sick.

When the head slows down and then stops to connect with the body, he has to force himself to breathe evenly. There's a few seconds of silence, then the image of Jet sitting at his work station in the LOCCENT with Marshal Mori standing next to him and Niall leaning over his shoulder flares up on the holo feed.

“Alright, lookin’ good there, Sparrow. Two minutes to neural bridge calibration. Ink Commander, you ready for the drop?” Jet asks.

Louis hears Liam’s voice crackle through the comm unit like he’s very far away but maybe that’s because Louis barely feels like himself right now and just wants to get _out_ of this damn thing, not further into it. “Sorry, there was a problem with Zayn’s suit. We’re ready to go now.”

“Engaging drop, Ink Commander,” Niall reports, now sitting at his own work station a few feet behind Jet, and hits a few buttons.

“See you in a second, lads,” Harry says with a grin and then looks right at Louis. “You alright there?”

And Louis wants to cry. He feels like something is going to go terribly wrong and it’s going to be his fault and Jet and Niall’s and he’s so angry and desperate and he _can’t_ go into this drift. But he doesn’t say that. How, he doesn’t know, because he’s going into full on panic mode, but his mouth seems to be detached from his brain so what he actually says is “Yeah, brilliant. Just nerves.”

“Your heart rate’s accelerated,” Jet says with a slight frown. “And your neural activity is a bit odd, but you’ve had spikes like this before. Just let it go, whatever you’re worrying about.”

“We’ve done this before,” Harry smiles at him. “We can do it again. This isn’t gonna be anything new, Lou. This is us. Just us.”

He wants to agree with him so badly but everything’s wrong, so wrong, and in a minute Harry will know, too and… _shit._ He seriously needs to calm down. Deep breaths, Louis. He focuses on his breathing again, looking directly at the video feed of the LOCCENT, focusing on Jet to pretend he’s the only one there. _Don’t think about it,_ he tells himself. _Think of something else. Football, beaches, sheep._

“Ink Commander ready for neural bridge calibration sequence,” Niall reports happily and Louis wants to scream at him to get out of his fucking life.

“Alright, let’s switch. Take over for me here, Liam and Zayn are a tiny bit harder to calibrate than these two,” Jet says, looking over his shoulder for a moment and then standing up to switch places with Niall. “Thirty seconds until your drift, Sparrow.”

Fuck.

Now Louis is directly looking at Niall who is staring at his control panels and holo feed with intense concentration and it doesn’t make him feel any safer because he is going to do something wrong and _Harry is going to get hurt_.

Don’t think about it. Stop. Stop it.

“Twenty seconds,” Niall says.

Water. Metal. Sheep. Sheep. Sheep. Blood. He’s going to get hurt again and this time you won’t be able to fix it. No, STOP!

“Neural bridge initialising,” the digital voice of the system says and Louis is _fucked._

“Neural handshake in ten…,” Niall starts the countdown.

Marshal Mori next to Niall’s young face nods at them through the video feed and looks at them sternly. “Don’t chase the rabbit,” she says and Louis wants to yell that he’s definitely not going to wonderland.

He closes his eyes to blend out the attention trained on them and refocus his thoughts, empty his mind. They’ve got a mission. He’s gotta do this.

Sheep. Happy sheep.

“… five… four… three…”

Sheep sheep sheep sheep sheep.

“… two… one…”

Sheep. Blood blood blood.

The neural handshake takes him by force and catapults him into the drift and he immediately gives up his resistance because it’s familiar and safe and _Harry._ Images flash, memories familiar to both of them and sometimes they don’t even know which one belongs to whom.

School the sun is out where’s my lunch

Green eyes smiling at him wow

This is horrible I thought it was over

Bunk beds at the academy shit I gotta get to class

I’m sick I know baby you’re gonna be alright in the morning

Sheep in the countryside

Then he blinks and they’re one and they’re connected to their Jaeger and it’s alright and Harry is looking at him oddly. Louis grimaces back at him.

“Nice, you’re at ninety-five percent. Now, Louis, just focus a bit more and that should do the trick,” a voice says and Louis looks up at the video feed and _oh no not him_ _where’s Jet?_ and then Harry knows and _oh…_

Waves crashing against the metal body and a much harder impact and sharp teeth. Claws. Searing pain and blood and pain pain pain

“They’re going out of alignment!”

“Mr Tomlinson, let _go_ you need to stay in the reality!”

“Lou!” He doesn’t know if Harry says it out loud or just yells it in his head because everything’s a mess and there’s so much blood and it’s going to happen again. “Lou, it’s okay. It’s okay. I’m fine. And we _will be_ fine.”

Louis forces himself into the reality of the Pod, into the reality that yes Harry is alright and living and breathing but _he might not be in an hour…_

Stop don’t torture yourself over this it’s fine

“I don’t think this is a good idea,” he hears Harry say and the worried tone feels like someone just dumped a bucket of ice over him.

“Yeah, he looks like he’s going to have a panic attack,” Niall says.

“Jesus Christ, Louis,” Jet says and Louis feels Harry’s concern and his strength and…

“I’m alright,” he says, shaking his head. “I can do it. I’m sorry.” He looks at Harry and he knows, _I know_ , what he’s apologising for. That’s when he notices that his right arm is extended and Sparrow Wing’s hand is pointing towards the LOCCENT in a defensive stance. He takes a deep breath and lowers the arm. _Shit._

It’s fine see we got you out he’s not so bad we’re alright

“You’re stabilising,” Niall reports and _oh god_

No don’t think about it

And then Harry purposefully goes through some of his, _their_ , happiest memories closing with the sharp image of punching their first kaiju kill in the face. And Louis smiles, almost against his will.

“Whatever you just did, Harry, that worked wonders,” Niall says.

“Good,” Harry and Louis say at the same time.

“You’re drifts holding strong now at ninety-seven percent again.”

“Initialising neural handshake for Ink Commander and Hope Warrior now,” Jet says and Louis realises that he probably just cost humanity vital minutes. Great.

“It’s alright,” Harry says and it feels like an embrace. “We’ve still got time.”

“Sparrow Wing, I’m putting you on Scramble Alley. Neural bridge at one hundred percent,” Niall says.

“Alright, yeah,” Harry says and Louis nods. “We’re good now.” He looks at Harry and he really means it and _it’s going to be okay it won’t happen again._

They’re both thinking it but they also both know they mean different things.

  
  


The kaiju doesn’t make it to the coast. Actually, it doesn’t even make it to the ten-mile line. They fight it, out in the open ocean and it’s one of the most agile kaiju Louis has ever seen. It doesn’t have a codename by the time they arrive but five minutes later Zayn has named it Troublemaker and that’s that. Neither Jet nor Marshal Mori agrees with the choice, but Niall and the Ghanaians do and seven against are the definite majority.

Still, it’s late afternoon when they make it back to Cape Verde and Louis is _beat._ Euphoric, but definitely dead on his legs. He just wants to go straight to his room and sleep for three days but after their debrief – where Marshal Mori advises them to do a few simulations to straighten out whatever went wrong at the beginning of today’s mission and basically grounds them – Harry holds him back and drags him with him to Sparrow’s maintenance bay. Liam and Zayn are already waiting.

“We have to talk,” Harry says and Louis hates when he gets that serious face, especially when it has to do with him.

“Talk about what?” he asks, feigning ignorance because oh boy, this is going to be one hell of a conversation.

“Don’t get smart with us,” Liam says and Zayn crosses his arms.

“Then don’t gang up on me,” Louis shoots back because he hates it when they’re all against him and it hurts.

Harry takes a step back, wraps his arms around Louis’ middle and pulls him close to rest his chin on Louis’ shoulder and yeah, okay, that’s a bit better because the goddamn Drift hangover is a bitch, but Louis still doesn’t want to talk about this.

“I know you don’t like it,” Harry says into his ear. “But we have to talk about this. Because you almost having a panic attack in the Drift and me finding out why you’re so against Niall because we’re connected does not equal constructively dealing with something.”

“I know,” Louis sighs. “Just… don’t be mad at me?”

“We’re not mad at you,” Liam says and Louis glares at him.

“You were mad at me even though you knew what my problem was!” he spits.

He feels Harry freeze up. “What?”

Zayn looks between them with a worried expression and Liam sighs. “Yeah, I knew. It happens when you share a mind. He was literally thinking about you and the substitute fucking up the whole time after _that_ mission.”

“I thought we decided that that mission was the best thing that ever happened to us,” Harry says after a moment. “We found out we were all drift compatible. That has to count for something.”

“You almost _died_ ,” Louis says and he can feel the pain again, Harry’s pain and his own, the feeling of Harry being gone and the whole neural load of their Jaeger almost crushing him until the goddamn tech substitute got it powered down.

Harry hums soothingly. “Yeah, I’m sorry. It was one of the worst things, okay. But we’re all still here. And Niall is not that substitute. See how you freaked out on us today and he didn’t accidentally blow the place up?”

“That’s different,” Louis mumbles. “Can we just drop the topic?” He is willing to explain it later, maybe, after he’s slept and eaten and properly come down from the aftershocks of the Drift.

“We’re just worried,” Zayn says, “You should have talked to us. Right in March when Harry and I were still recovering.”

“But I don’t want to talk about it. It’s horrible and I just want to forget it!”

“You can’t”, Liam says, shaking his head. “Jesus, Louis, it’s been five months and you’re still so paranoid that you hate the new tech who’s been assigned to us.”

“I don’t hate him,” Louis says but he knows they’re right and he’s being unreasonable and it’s fucking stupid.

“You don’t have to protect me, Lou,” Harry says. “I’m okay, remember? And Niall is an awesome tech.”

“Can we _please_ stop talking about this?” he pleads again because he’s getting overwhelmed and that’s not going to help. If they keep going on like this he’s going to end up having to go to a Psych Analyst and he really doesn’t want to do that.

Liam and Zayn look at him for a moment and then they look at Harry – Louis can tell – and Harry takes a step back but keeps one of his arms slung around Louis’ torso. “Come on,” he says. “Let’s get you to bed.” And that is the best sentence Louis has heard all day.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, sorry for the long wait. Zayn was proving hard to write...

It's definitely not time to sleep yet, but as a Jaeger pilot you take what odd hours of rest you can get. So Zayn stumbles alongside Liam to their shared room. He doesn't know why they have a room together, bunk beds and all, and Harry and Louis don't, but maybe it's because he and Liam already were a team before they got here.

So it's also kind of normal for him when instead of climbing up to his own bunk he just slides into Liam's . He can still feel Liam in his mind while also missing him, even though he's right there, and he knows that the only cure for this kind of hangover is physical contact and cuddles.

“Man, I was looking forward to a day at the beach,“ he mumbles and Liam chuckles, stripping off his shirt.

“We should get some downtime after this. I mean, Harry and Louis are definitely not getting deployed for at least a week and they all know we work best as a team,” he says, finally settling down next to Zayn.

Zayn sighs and buries his face in Liam's shoulder. “That's just wishful thinking.”

“I can't hear you properly, love,” Liam says and Zayn can hear the smile in his voice and he knows that Liam understood him but just pretends he didn't to cheer him up. “Seriously,” he carries on, “I understand Louis' protective streak, I probably would even if I had never been in his head before, but he needs to keep it together. Niall is just trying to help.”

“Yeah,” Zayn yawns, slightly turning his head so he doesn't talk into Liam's shoulder anymore. “But he's like... super fierce. I'm surprised he even shares Harry with us.”

Liam laughs at that. “It's a mystery. But go to sleep now, we can talk more tomorrow. Who knows when they'll wake us again for some kind of insane training.”

“Ugh,” Zayn makes and screws his eyes shut. Nope. He just wants to sleep for twelve hours and ignore that there is any kind of responsibility.

  


For some reason though it is definitely not twelve hours later when he feels Liam shaking his shoulder slighty.

“Zayn, wake up.”

He grumbles disapprovingly and turns away, attempting to pull the blanket over his head. It can't be morning yet. He doesn't want breakfast. He's going to kill a guy if he has to train now. Or maybe rather himself because he's too tired to walk straight so he would probably decapitate himself or trip and fall and break both of his legs.

“Come on,” Liam coaxes.

“Nooo,” Zayn drawls. “Too early.”

“More like too late,” Liam says. “But you're going to want to see this.” Zayn feels Liam brush a hand through his hair and okay, yeah, that's nice but he really doesn't want to get up.

“Mhm... what time is it?” he asks, shuffling around a bit and pushing his head back against Liam's hand.

“Like 10pm. You've been asleep for four hours or so.”

“No, man, just no...” He's not getting up after four hours of sleep when there's no emergency, no way.

Liam laughs and keeps carding through his hair. “Jet just texted me,” he says, “to tell me that the parts are getting here in half an hour. That's the only reason I'm up, too.”

“What parts?”

“The parts that are going to become our new baby, sleepyhead,” he says and now Zayn is definitely a bit more alert. Not awake, but actively trying to pay attention.

“Shit,” he mumbles and rubs a hand over his eyes. He really wants to see this but he also doesn't want to get up. He can't win.

“Come on, we're just gonna say a quick hello and then go right back to sleep,” Liam coaxes. Zayn growls an “Ugh” but finally sits up.

 

They stumble out of the entrance twenty minutes later, where Jet and Niall are already waiting.

“There you are,” Jet greets them with a tired grin and Zayn knows that the only sleep the poor guy has gotten in the last 24 hours probably was a power nap of fifteen minutes. If that even qualifies as one.

It might be a bit weird and sort of creepy – at least those are the words his extremely sleepy brain comes up with – what they're doing right now, standing around in the humid air that even after over two years still feels unfamiliar and ill-fittingly warm for the hour, waiting for the unassembled, hollow parts of a new machine to arrive, but to Zayn it seems like a ritual.

It's dark outside and while the floodlights over the gigantic doors illuminate the space in front of them, Zayn still has to shiver. Not necessarily because it's cold, but rather because he just woke up and there's still remnants of sleep clinging to his mind and body and the scenery is kind of eery.

Liam puts an arm around his shoulder and Zayn snuggles into his warm side gladly. He knows he's as safe at the shatterdome as you can be in this world but he's not going to pass up the opportunity for hugs either.

There's a shuffling sound behind them and Zayn cranes his neck to look over Liam's shoulder. What he sees makes him smile almost automatically because there are Harry and Louis, wearing matching beanies for some reason, and they're carrying three paper cups each.

Liam turns around, too, and Zayn awkwardly steps along because he refuses to let go of him.

“Is that tea?” Liam asks with a look at the cups and Harry nods and wordlessly gives Liam one of them, beaming.

Louis hands one of his to Jet and the other to Zayn and Zayn whines a bit because tea is exactly what he needs right now. “I love you,” he mumbles, earning a low chuckle from Louis, which is just about the best thing ever. Then Liam tightens his arm around Zayn's side a bit and, yeah, okay, maybe the second best thing ever, alright.

And then there's Niall, standing kind of awkwardly to the side and Zayn observes with a smile as Harry steps closer to him and gives him the remaining cup of tea. Niall in turn smiles so hard that it looks like he might break his face. It's only a cup of tea. Maybe that's kind of heartbreakingly beautiful but maybe Zayn is also just super tired.

“Thanks,” Niall smiles.

“It's just tea,” Louis and Harry say at the same time and while Louis sounds a lot more venomous than Harry does, it also has kind of a resigned edge to it. Like he's not entirely sure what to do with the situation. Zayn is pretty sure that Harry convinced Louis to make tea for Niall too and he's kind of glad that they have Harry because he seems to be the rock to Louis' ferocious storm.

“Here they come!” Jet says and Zayn looks away from Niall to see the headlights of an approaching convoy of trucks.

“How many are there?” Niall asks, squinting, and Zayn is actually curious for the answer.

“Five trucks, if I'm not mistaken,” Jet says, taking a sip from his tea. “We're gonna have fun with this one, guys.”

“It's just a bunch of parts,” Louis yawns. “Nothing special.”

Liam makes a weird noise that sounds like he got a laugh stuck in his chest and has to awkwardly clear his throat and Zayn rolls his eyes a bit when he sees Harry elbowing Louis. “This _is_ special,” the youngest in the group says earnestly. “Don't ruin the moment.”

“Yeah,” Zayn says, “we know you're just as excited as we are.”

“I am excited, but I will be even more excited after the Jaeger is put together,” Louis shoots back.

There's not exactly an argument against that and so they just watch as the trucks pull up in front of them. It seems to be a magnet to all of them because once the engines are switched off they all step closer immediately, waiting for the crates and heavily wrapped metal parts to be unloaded. Waiting for something else to happen, too, but Zayn isn't quite sure what. Some kind of magical spark.

But nothing happens, per se. The crates get unloaded and they even try to help – but get told to get out of the way after about two minutes because Harry trips and almost knocks over a crate and Jet tells them to just watch because they don't want the stuff or their pilots damaged. It should be boring, watching how endless rows of crates get unloaded, but it isn't. It's actually kind of nice, standing there, huddled together, kind of watching their new life unfold. And maybe that is the magic, a slow stream instead of a spark.

  


When Zayn wakes up the next morning he actually feels well rested for once. No wake-up call for any kind of training, no blaring sirens indicating an alarm. Just him waking up with his head pillowed on Liam's chest.

He can tell that Liam is awake because there's the soft buzz of music from headphones right above his right ear and a hand brushing through his hair.

He sighs and lifts his head a little to let Liam know that he's awake.

“Good morning,” Liam chuckles, pulling the earbuds out.

“'time is it?” Zayn asks because he genuinely can't tell. It could be nine but it could also be past noon.

“Almost ten,” Liam says.

He makes a little content noise and lets his head drop back down. This is nice. “How long have you been awake for?”

“An hour, probably,” Liam mumbles. “Sent a text to Harry, but I think Lou and he are still sleeping.”

“They probably are,” he agrees.

They lie there for another five minutes and Zayn feels like he could drift back to sleep but he knows he shouldn't. Finally, he sits up and stretches, blinking down at Liam, who is sort of half-sitting propped up against the wall.

Liam smiles. “Sleep well?” he asks and Zayn automatically smiles back.

“Yeah,” he nods. “For once in my damn life.”

Liam laughs and shoves his shoulder. “That's just because you hate that you never get more than six hours of sleep.”

“Well, it is horrible,” Zayn insists. Sure, their job has many perks. Saving humanity on a daily basis and getting to pilot giant machines together with their best friends is awesome but it's also tough. It gets romanticised, of course it does, even by themselves, because it's just easier to make it seem less than a burden than it is.

“But you love it,” Liam says and he can't argue with that. There are days when he wants to scream that he's done with this and do nothing more than leave and go back and home and hide from reality, but they're few. He has an obligation and he might also be a bit in love with being a pilot. A little tiny bit.

He sighs and gets up from the bed. “Shower and breakfast?” he asks and Liam shrugs.

“Sure, just let me ring Harry and Louis first, they've slept long enough.”

Zayn laughs, already halfway to the bathroom. “Louis is going to murder you,” he says.

“He can have fun trying,” Liam grins.

 

They arrive at the mess hall half an hour later and surprisingly, Louis and Harry are already sitting at a table, waiting for them.

“Good morning,” Zayn says but doesn't stop. “Sorry, but I really need some food and coffee.” Yeah, even after a sufficient amount of sleep he still needs at least two hours and a lot of caffeine to wake up properly.

Behind him Louis yells something about “uncultured” and “tea” and Liam chuckles.

The food selection is, as always, not the best but Zayn doesn't care all that much what he eats this morning as long as he gets something in his stomach. You get used to soggy cereal eventually.

When he and Liam return to the table, Louis looks up at them expectantly.

“So, how about that beach day we were talking about?” he asks.

“Well,” Zayn starts with a shrug, “you're grounded, so you can probably go, but I don't know about us.” He waves his spoon at Liam and almost hits his chest because they're sitting so close. “Sorry.”

“We could bribe Jet,” Liam muses.

“I'm pretty sure we would have to bribe the Marshal and I don't think she's up for that,” Harry says.

“It's not like we're going for a trip around the world,” Louis argues, shaking his head. “You'd be right here if something happened. I think _you_ just want to get out of the offer you made because you don't like water.” He looks at Zayn accusingly and Zayn just rolls his eyes and takes a deliberately big spoonful of cereal so he doesn't have to grace that statement with a reaction.

“I'm just gonna ask Jet,” Liam declares and pulls out his phone but Zayn immediately snatches it from his grasp and shakes his head. He's pretty sure that Jet got off duty like two hours ago and he's probably sleeping right now. At least Zayn hopes he is. If there's anyone at the Shatterdome who gets less sleep than the Rangers it's Jet. For a moment Liam just looks at him with a puzzled expression but after a second it seems to dawn on him.

“Let's just go,” Louis says. “We've done stuff like this before.”

“Yeah, it's probably gonna be fine,” Harry adds.

Zayn sighs and finally swallows his cereal. “Fine,” he says. He does want to go and he knows _Liam_ really wants to go surfing again but there's always the risk that something might happen in the meantime. But they all have phones and there just was a kaiju attack so yeah, it should be fine.

It's a constant struggle to remember that they're allowed to have fun, even when the world is falling apart around them.

 

 

“We picked a good day,” Liam comments and Zayn nods but he's not really sure if he's actually saying yes to the statement or if it's a subconscious reaction while he's looking at Liam. He's half-dressed in his wetsuit and has his hands on his hips, staring at the ocean approvingly.

“We definitely did,” Louis says while struggling to get his arms into his own wetsuit. “Ugh, this is why we have people who suit us up for missions.”

Harry looks up from where he's texting on his phone – Zayn bets on Gemma but then again Harry has more phone contacts than all of them together – and laughs, hands his phone over to Zayn for safekeeping and then goes to help Louis with his wetsuit.

“No, we have suit techs because those suits have like a million different pieces,” Liam corrects and Zayn chuckles even though the remark was genuine and not a joke. It's just that you never really know when Liam is going to be serious or counter with a joke himself.

“Well they're equally as bothersome and you get to wade out into the ocean after you put them on,” Harry says.

Zayn absent-mindedly passes Harry's phone from one hand to the other while Harry zips up Louis' wetsuit, receiving a smile and a 'thanks' from Louis, when it buzzes with a text. He's surprised to find that the preview doesn't show Gemma's name like he thought but Niall's.

“You got a text,” he says when Harry steps back from unnecessarily smoothing over the fabric covering Louis' arms and gives his phone back to him. Harry plops down on the sand instead of the blanket they spread out and goes back to reading and typing while Louis and Liam pick up their surfboards.

“Good luck,” Zayn tells them. “Don't drown or anything.” Because hey, the ocean is vicious. Fifty years ago everybody thought the worst thing they could encounter was a shark and now one slip-up in the observation equipment and you could get surprised by an alien out to kill the entire human species. Or, well, maybe all other life forms, too.

“We won't,” Liam promises and Louis gives them a thumbs up.

Zayn likes sharks a whole lot more than kaijus, that's for sure. Mostly because he's never seen one.

He tells Harry as much when he sits down next to him.

“Is that why you don't like swimming?” Harry asks, immediately scooting closer and lying down to use Zayn's thigh as a pillow. When Louis and Liam asked earlier if he wanted to try surfing too, he politely declined and said he's going to try to convince Zayn to go for a swim with him. Zayn's curious to know how that's going to work out for him.

“I don't know,” Zayn says with a shrug. “Like... I've learned swimming at the Academy because I had to and pools are fun, yeah, but this...,” he gestures at the waves with a sigh. “You don't know what's in there, Haz. It's like trying to trust the depths of a mind that's not your own.”

“That's a fucked up thought,” Harry supplies. “And I mean, it makes sense, but I should remind you that you share your mind with us on a regular basis.”

Yeah, he had not considered that when he came up with that metaphor but it still fits. “And it was terrifying in the beginning,” Zayn says, patting Harry's head apologetically, although he's not sure what he's apologising for, really. “But I know all of you now, better than I will ever know the ocean.”

And that's what it comes down to. He knows these three lads better than anyone else. It's possible to map out every inch of a person, to memorize every single of their little quirks but, even if he tried, Zayn could never do the same with the ocean. He's just going to stick with what he knows.

  



End file.
